


pussy give speeches, heartfelt

by frougge



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Randall Carpio-centric, Season 2 spoilers, all they do here is gossip something about gay people gossiping just gets me.., lapslock, randall and gabrielle are gossip buddies<3, so. do with that what you will<3, technically implied unrequited randall/hamish but in my head they get tgt after this, unfortunately i am not immune to queerbaiting.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frougge/pseuds/frougge
Summary: not the point, though: the point is the knights are stupid, randall hates them, and, surprisingly, gabrielle dupres is… not that bad. sure, she killed kyle, but they all made mistakes. and kyle was annoying. and stuck-up. and… annoying again. not to mention jack and him had some weird straight man thing going on, so. at least that’s resolved now, all thanks to gabrielle.(or: randall and gabrielle are gossip buddies. love wins.)
Relationships: Randall Carpio & Gabrielle Dupres, Randall Carpio/Hamish Duke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	pussy give speeches, heartfelt

**Author's Note:**

> not me actually thinking theyd develop a randall/hamish storyline instead of . hamish and vera 💔 i also thot wed be getting a lilith/alyssa storyline season 1 i think im just stupid and see gay people everywhere ... itsnot on me though this is all on randall mf had me thinking this was going somewhere where he was like yeah... we had to kiss each other. yeah... had to. what was that all about mf i will end u. 
> 
> anw this is set somewhere between the blood parasite ting and alyssa joining praxis or smth. this just makes sense trust me. the only reason this exists is bc im obsessed w gabrielle and randall and them maximizing their joint slay by becoming gossip besties... see i know this is fact. why do gay people alaways win (except when they dont 💔)
> 
> title from pussy talk by city girls bc i couldnt be assed giving this a proper title<3 sorry im a genius.

admittedly, randall isn’t particularly known for making good decisions. or making smart decisions. or making rational decisions. or—well. the list is endless. _he_ does have strokes of genius in between everything else, though: such as not letting the knights kill jack. maybe that wasn’t such a great idea, however, considering jack’s definitely been causing more problems than he’s been solving, but. the general idea’s there.

his other stroke of genius is, namely, trying to convince the knights not to summon a demon. sure, his reasons behind that are personal (desperately not wanting to be too deeply involved with the order, because there is something wrong with those people), but he’s not wrong, considering that though zecchia helps them rob the vault, she also robs them, because of course she does. two days before some even more powerful demon will be summoned to bring forth the apocalypse. or something. randall zoned out when alyssa was explaining that; he’s got better things to do. he’s still a feminist, though. #girlpower.

not the point, though: the point is the knights are stupid, randall hates them, and, surprisingly, gabrielle dupres is… not that bad. sure, she killed kyle, but they all made mistakes. and kyle was annoying. and stuck-up. and… annoying again. not to mention jack and him had some weird straight man thing going on, so. at least that’s resolved now, all thanks to gabrielle.

she did help take away jack’s memory for like, three months—though on the other hand, she did say it was obligatory—though she could’ve gone against the order. but then again, someone else would’ve been assigned to take care of him, so. it’s not like it matters. it’s not like randall’s going through extreme mental gymnastics to rationalize becoming besties with gabrielle, either, because that’s not what he’s doing. obviously.

and if jack can forgive alyssa for taking away his memory and everything else, going right back to… whatever he’s up to with her currently, then randall can be all buddy-buddy with gabrielle without feeling bad about it.

right?

doesn’t matter, either way, because he doesn’t feel bad about it. fuck jack for the inevitable complaining that’s going to come with him finding out about randall being besties with gabrielle, but then again, it’s not his fault gabrielle is great. which she is, apart from the whole superiority complex she has going on, which is funny anyway, most of the time, so. and randall is a feminist, so naturally he’s going to support girlbosses. nothing wrong with that.

“vera keeps giving me _soo_ much fucking shit for everything, even though i was the one who took care of foley,” gabrielle rolls her eyes, swirling around her severely overpriced cocktail. randall doesn’t bother correcting her about the fact that they both (and hamish) took care of foley, because then she can bring up the fact that he was essentially useless. which: true, but also embarrassing, but also he doesn’t claim to be great at being an acolyte, so it’s not _really_ that embarrassing. if you think about it. “like, it just doesn’t stop. we get it, really, you’re sad because you’re old and lonely or whatever. sorry i’m going to be better than you’ve ever been, in like, five years at most.”

“god, for real,” randall says. he swirls his own drink around in his glass, frowning down at it. “the knights can’t do shit these days, not with the contract vera made us sign. like. i’m already parading around in those stupid wizard robes, isn’t that enough?”

“you don’t wear the robes,” gabrielle points out, which. okay. if they’re to be gossip buddies, she’s not allowed to disagree with him and point out that he’s in the wrong, because they’re gossip buddies, and that’s the whole point of it. “maybe if you did, vera would be more lenient.” she snorts into her glass, “right, sorry. remembered we’re talking about vera. she’s not gonna be lenient—or normal, unless you’re jack.”

“you’ve noticed that too?” randall sits up straight, nearly knocking over his drink. dexterity is not one of his virtues when he’s overexcited—or gossiping. mostly gossiping. it’s a gay people thing. “what’s going on with that? i’ve gotten info about what went down at the other wizarding camp—”

“sons of prometheus,” gabrielle supplies, and it’s as annoying as it is helpful. hamish has a habit of doing the same thing and—does randall have a thing for nerds? possibly. maybe. he’s going to have to come back to that sometime soon, but now he’ll simply ignore it. ignorance is bliss and all that.

“that shit was insane,” randall says, “not to mention the forgiving him without any consequences for being a double agent—a downright terrible one, if we’re being honest, because who fucks up every other week as badly as he does—and then again for going against her and robbing the vault.”

“that was his doing?”

“it was a group effort sort of thing,” randall says. “i didn’t agree to it, though.”

“right,” and, really, gabrielle should believe him more. they’re besties, practically. gossip buddies. drinking buddies, ever since hamish finds it more convenient to spend his days at the temple—which randall’s not going to get into at the moment, because it’s more than annoying. “not surprisingly at all. was it your plan to lose the sickles right before roqwan, too? thanks for that, by the way, considering it made vera have an even bigger stick up her ass than usual.”

“that… was an unnecessary side-effect,” randall says, frowning. he’s really gotta introduce gabrielle to the rules of being gossip buddies. or get her to sign some binding contract like the one vera made them sign, though less severe. or maybe that’s insane. “no need to be mean about it, oh my god. this is a safe space.”

“it’s a safe space because i’m not going to rat you out,” gabrielle rolls her eyes, as if that makes up for her being incredibly condescending—though she’s punching up, isn’t she? maybe randall should be more supportive of it. “it’s practically my obligation to give you shit for it, though. it’s a bestie thing.”

randall narrows his eyes. “is it?” he asks. it could be. he’s not well-versed in the principles of bestie-ism, mostly because his other three besties are: one, a straight man (vomit emoji), lilith, who’d rather do anything else but gossip and call someone her bestie, and hamish, who’s somehow more and less than randall’s bestie, at the same time. it’s complicated.

more complicated than randall has the mind power to deal with, though it does remind him—

“severa,” he says, and it takes a moment for gabrielle to get it, though she does laugh, stifling it behind her hand. “see, i knew you’d appreciate this. hamish gave me so much shit for it.”

“of course hamish gave you shit for it,” gabrielle says. she knows him so well. “he’s got such a thing for authority, it’s hard to watch.”

“he really does, doesn’t he,” randall takes a swig of his cocktail and it’s—not bad, but it’s subpar compared to what hamish makes, and randall’s not even one to complain about alcohol. it must be gabrielle rubbing off on him, considering how snobby she is about everything. “can’t even shit talk vera at the den, because of course he’s gonna put a stop to it, which leaves the only option for entertain whatever’s going on between jack and alyssa, because that’s the only thing jack talks about and lilith’s busy having fun with her girlfriend.”

“oooh, how are they?”

“who?”

“lilith and nicole,” gabrielle says, “i’m an ally.”

“to… gay people? you’re gay people, you’re literally bi,” and gabrielle shrugs in return. “well. they’re good. i don’t know the details, unfortunately,” gabrielle groans, so randall rushes to explain, “lilith’s never at the den these days, which—well. if _i_ had a partner out of the den, i’d be out of there at any moment, too, considering the vera worshipping.”

“oh, boo hoo,” gabrielle says. and—okay. “what about jack and alyssa?”

“do you just want to feel better about the two of you not working out?” randall says and gabrielle glares at him, which is fair, since it was a low blow. gossip buddies rules be damned. “it’s the regular, though. i tune the fuck out when jack drones on and on about it.”

“god, you shouldn’t,” gabrielle says, with no real vitriol. she does sound annoyed—but she sounds annoyed practically all the time, so. “they’re really entertaining sometimes.”

“like when? it’s always the same old, same old.”

“like the whole tree thing?” gabrielle says.

“okay, that was fucking sick, but only because jack turned into a tree,” randall says. “i still wish i’d’ve gotten photos of that. it would’ve been so much fun to taunt him with them—in like two weeks, when it’s socially acceptable to taunt someone over almost turning into a tree. or whatever the fuck it was.”

“okay, but the whole drama that followed?”

“that was boring as shit,” randall says. “it’s just, i don’t know, they need something interesting to spice it up.”

“like whatever’s going on between you and hamish?”

randall narrows his eyes. “are gay people your entertainment?”

“do you really want me to answer that?”

“mm, maybe not,” randall says. “and there’s nothing entertaining going on. if there was, believe me, we’d be having a ball on this bitch, not complaining. instead, hamish’s off running after vera because he’s… got a thing for authority, as we’ve been over, and i’m sitting here.”

“at least you’ve got better company,” gabrielle says. she definitely holds herself in a much too high regard, but that’s the case with most of randall’s friends, so it doesn’t really matter. “is his authority ting really that bad?”

“it’s worse, somehow,” and it really is, even if randall looks at it objectively. which he has been doing, because he’s angel. the truth is hamish’s been acting shitty as hell, considering randall so much as confessed to him the week before and _all_ hamish’s done in return is… work himself dry caring over vera’s career status. which. well. randall gets it, because though she’s annoying, vera’s captivating, but it doesn’t mean hamish can’t at least give him the pleasure of a response.

which he hasn’t. because he’s the devil, clearly.

and it’s not just that, either. hamish’s getting into the habit of leaving the knights behind—or simply not accompanying them, which. maybe randall’s just clingy, or maybe he’s got a point. god knows.

randall explains all this (obstructing the last point) to gabrielle, who hums in response, taking a sip of her cocktail. “happy for you or sorry that happened.” she does pat randall’s arm in a half-assed attempt at comfort, though, so he takes it that she was at least partially listening. “does he really care that much about her career status?”

“i mean, with the whole thing with her grand magus position being questioned and the blood parasite and the… everything else,” randall says. “i can be lenient and close my eyes for that, but, like. if we’re in the den, and someone says vera or some genius says severa, he’s immediately on their ass about calling her grand magus.” he narrows his eyes, drills his fingers on the table. “and, you know. practically moving to the temple bar.”

“i can’t complain about that,” and gabrielle only shrugs at the dirty look randall gives her. “what? he makes good drinks. and doesn’t charge for them. it’s all i could ask for, in between all the shit vera makes me do.”

“god, see, this was me, back when he actually lived in the den,” randall says. “he still does, technically, but not really. i used to be able to drink in between everything. and, you know, talk to him, which was always nice.”

“ew,” gabrielle scrunches her nose at him.

“and _now_ all i do is alternate in between the den and the temple, and it’s not like i can do shit in between, because the leash vera’s got us on is tight as hell, and—stop giving me that look, i know we joined the order willingly. only technically, though, considering hamish made us. hamish and jack made _me_ , sorry, forgot both of them are insane.”

“you make the order sound so bad,” gabrielle says with an eye-roll—and that’s too many to count. “it’s not that bad.”

“it’s that bad, when you go from being a free-range werewolf to not being able to do shit,” randall says. gabrielle gives an unconvincing nod and she’s not going to understand, clearly, giving she wasn’t a werewolf. or maybe she will, considering the whole… illegal spell use she pulled off in her first few weeks as a member of the order. “it’s downright terrible.”

“but now you can do magic,” gabrielle points out.

“shit, low-level magic,” randall replies. gabrielle doesn’t argue, though she doesn’t agree—randall writes that off to her not paying attention. it might be for the best, though, considering that though they’re gossip besties, he doesn’t know how to tell her that he just wishes for things to go back to the way they were, with the knights doing just fine on their own and the order being a vague evil entity that they pretend to fight back by killing evil-doers. or something. things are quite foggy in that department, but randall is sure that everything was better anyway.

though lilith didn’t have a girlfriend. and they didn’t have jack, who is entertaining when he’s not busy moping about alyssa. jack, who does tend to fuck things most of the time—hm. maybe lilith and hamish were right.

too late for that, though. now they’re stuck with him and with the order, which is less than ideal. in randall’s opinion, and not really hamish’s or jack’s.

or gabrielle’s, clearly, considering the way she’s looking at him.

“joking,” he says. it’s a last resort and gabrielle doesn’t buy it, but she just rolls her eyes, pushing away her glass. “i love the order.”

“you’re a shit liar,” she tells him. “how’d you manage to hide being a werewolf for like, months?”

“i’m a good liar.” he takes a sip of his drink. “also, i don’t think many people believe werewolves exist. so. the world’s kind of on my side with this.”

“lucky you,” gabrielle says. she eyes him, before sighing as she stands up, her chair skidding back loudly. “come on. let’s get going.”

“…get going where, exactly?” randall asks. he’s still nursing his drink and, besides, is much too lazy to get up and trek to the next overpriced bar that’s going to serve even worse drinks. “i’m good right where we are.”

“and i’ve got magic training in the morning,” gabrielle says. “do you want to be dropped off at the temple or your den? or you can crash on my couch.”

“merciful queen,” randall says, as he decides to do just that. nothing like a good, old-fashioned sleepover that’s going to end with his back hurting. it’s just what he needs, too, right before the upcoming apocalypse—the fifth one in as many weeks, and, really, it was better when randall was just a silly little werewolf, with his nose out of the order’s business. or with his nose _in_ the order’s business, but in a fun way, where he didn’t know anything that was happening and just chilled around, eating pizza and taste-testing hamish’s creations. life was _so_ good to him then. “how comfortable is your couch?”

“like three out of ten,” she says, “it’s just for decoration, nothing else. you can’t expect it to be fully functional.”

“i didn’t say anything.”

“i felt your vibes go rotten,” gabrielle says. “but whatever. come on.”

“what about the bill?”

gabrielle sighs, rolling her eyes. “is this a knight thing? the rest of them give me shit for this, too,” though she pulls out a blank piece of paper, pricks her finger, scribbles on some insignia and incites some spell under her breath. she stashes it under her glass—and that’s surely not how to pay, though at least it’s something. “happy now?”

“very,” randall says, grinning as gabrielle pulls him out of his seat.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed sorry this had no plot 💔 such is the life


End file.
